The Best Years of My Life?
Oh boy. I’ve done myself in now. I got myself an account on Facebook. Finnish universities have nothing of the kind, and I doubt it would take off anyway.
More than regretting putting a load of information about myself online I somehow regret flicking through the profiles of a few old schoolmates from years back. Seeing their names and faces brought a ton of memories back, but that’s not what I want to talk about (yet).
The heartbreaking thing is that most of these people have graduated already. They’re either grad students or in employment, whizzing around the globe to meet each other. I’m 23 and still (or rather, again) where they were four or five years ago. I’m doing the things they’ve already done. I feel like the odd man out, because I’m doing a second bachelor’s. The friends I have in school now are letting go for the first time, experiencing the awesomeness of being in University. Looking at them, I feel I never had that - the freedom, the unwavering hope in the future, the chance to network and connect.
I don’t want to be the odd man out. I don’t want to feel like I don’t belong. I want to go wild and enjoy my time, as these years aren’t coming back and I sure as hell am not getting younger. I just don’t know if I can ever get back into the loop. All I can do is try.
Do, or do not. There is no try. So I better Do.
October 31st, 2006 at 22:04
You know what, from all the people I have (ever) befriended with you are the one I least expected to remind me of myself around your age.
I mean, when I first met you, you seemed such a cosmopolitan, which I am not, even though I was (and I would think still am) well traveled for my age. You were (and I would think still are) an intelligent guy, which I wasn’t and still aren’t (I’m just an average Joe). You found out the field to study with relative ease it seemed, I didn’t, I just drifted to the school I got in to. You got in to that university in Helsinki with such an ease, I never got into the university I attempted to. Heck, you pursued your very own goals and moved abroad to study, which I wouldn’t have had the confidence in myself to do. You want to take part in the happenings of the studentlife, which I wasn’t and still aren’t so keen of.
Yet, like yourself, I felt (and still kind of do) feel the odd man out. I got my bachelors degree at the same time most of the students that started their studies the year I was supposed to graduate. Thus my schoolmates, propably all of them, whizzed around in their jobs four or five years earlier than me.
And the aspect of seeing other people having some kind of freedom you (nor I) don’t feel we had. I share our feelings. Partially. You feel you didn’t have the carefree life of a young, independent student. Well I feel like I didn’t quite have carefree childhood. Not quite the same, but I think we can relate.
So all in all, of all my friends I wouldn’t have believed that you would be the one feeling somehow left out like myself.
Here is a shoulder, let us cry together and get it over with!
November 1st, 2006 at 21:34
Kai, olet VASTA 23 ja jo pitkällä! Älä luule, että elämä karkaa käsistäsi: sinähän elät sitä koko ajan.
Osittain tunnen huonoa omaatuntoa minäkin kun kirjoitat kuten kirjoitat. Olethan muuttanut pois kotoa jo 17-vuotiaana. Ja tottunut/joutunut olemaan järkevä ja itsestäsi huolehtiva.
Mutta toisaalta, ehkäpä se on ollut luontaista sinulle. Vai tuntuuko sinusta, että olet ollut sellainen vastoin tahtoasi?
Kaipaatko jotain sellaista, että saisit olla erilainen? Haluaisitko kokeilla jonkun muun elämää?
Uskoisitko minua jos sanoisin, että jokaisen elämässä on omat hyvät ja huonot puolensa. Ja että onnellisimpia meistä tulee, kun opimme hyväksymään oman ainutlaatuisuutemme. Elä ja nauti elämästä, mutta tee se omalla tavallasi.
November 28th, 2006 at 16:31
Just remember it could always be worse. You could be where I am.
And as you said yourself, you’d better do. If there is something you are not satisfied with in your life, change it. Do it fast too. Because nobody likes feeling like shit about themselves, trust me I should know.
November 28th, 2006 at 18:11
Bro,
I take it you’ve tried to turn things around?
There are definitely some things I would do differently now, but what’s done is done and what the reality now is the one we have to live with. I don’t feel exactly the same way as I did back when I wrote this, but I also feel that not enough things have changed. A lot of the issue is that I don’t know what exactly I need to change. There are too many variables.
Speaking of whining, here’s one for today: http://roguepolitical.net/2006/11/28/inspiration/