Londonward

After 9 months of pretty much constant stress about amorphous “responsibility” it feels weird to not have any of it, and to be largely absolved of it for the coming 9 months. Of course, I’ve managed to elevate my expectations higher, but right now I’m pretty chilled about things.

Or rather, I should be while I still can. I’ve been mucking about on the web, ending up at some rather interesting-looking places considering future study. But then there’s people who study at such places and can spout off sociological technojargon or quote lengthy passages in a number of European languages from texts they’ve read and appear fully engrossed in their program of study, as well as display deep involvement in the field through organizations etc. prior to joining the course.

I thought my hurdle would be to explain my academic choices.

Though I’ve had somewhat of a spark tonight to look into academic issues and even felt a kind of longing for a hallowed reading room with the rain tapping on the window above, I’m confused as to my personal aspirations. Do I have the drive to really concentrate and be able to engage in academic discussion even over the dinner table? Or do I ultimately just want to do things that make me smile then and there? Or are the two even mutually exclusive?

I’m still a bit overwhelmed at the results for 2007-2008. As I was walking around campus with a friend of mine yesterday, one of our professors walked by. Noticing us, he stopped and greeted us with “Congratulations, both of you. I heard you did well”. After a moment’s conversation it emerged that he held us as the contenders for the “best exam performance” that is apparently “more about the glory than money”. Now, I’m not in University for the glory, but the more I think about it it would be a nice recognition to get. I’m not going to go to next year with that in mind, though - I told my friend that I would happily let her have the best results but she wants to make a competition out of it and wants “to beat” me, the little nutter. Funny, that - within one day my relationship to University and studying has changed completely. Also, it is interesting to be noticed by academics as more than just heads or names on a register.

My other friends have told me I no longer have a right to complain about stress or exam anxiety. As terrible as it sounds, though, I feel that stressing myself half-dead is the way I steel myself to perform at the best possible level.

When the School’s servers crapped out under the strain of undergraduates checking their exam results at noon, I felt a terrible constricting feeling. The law course I took - how would I be graded? And the hard economics stuff - what If I bombed the assessed essay?

Two minutes after checking the results I didn’t know which I way I should sit. I felt like standing on my head. And this is why:

GY220 Environment: Science and Society: 70 (First)
GY222 Economic Analysis of the Environment: 75 (First)
IR200 International Political Theory: 70 (First)
LL250 Law and the Environment: 73 (First)

I know I mentioned last year (half-heartedly and ironically) that all that remains is to get 5 first-class grades out of the 8 remaining papers. Now the ratio is 1 out of 4 remaining. Those are odds I’m willing to take.

These things don’t happen. People don’t get all firsts in a year. In a good way, I am flabbergasted.

I don’t often go to Camden Town, but I have liked to take visitors there because, let’s face it, it is a bit of a pilgrimage site for youth and counterculture and what have you. I like how small-scale designers still have stalls on the canalside market above Dingwalls.

There used to be stalls with old books, magazines, advertisements and the like up on the top floor of the Stables Market in the old Horse Hospital bit. I’d seen they’re doing some extensive demolition and building work around the area but I’d never have guessed that they’d kick out so many of the traders. Nothing remained today of the booksellers and bric-a-brac when I took my visiting sister around there today. The new development next to the old Stables Market boasted of being a fantastic “opportunity” with cafés and shops but really that must just mean more characterless generic shops. Someone had changed a sign reading “Stables: Since 1870″ [or whatever year it was] to “Stables: Since 1870-2007″. How very appropriate.

With a H&M and an American Apparel store on Camden High Street, it really is the end to what Camden Town used to symbolise. Let’s all have a skinny mocha latte frappucino in its memory.