What a Week
Arriving back from African sunshine to a bright but breezy and cold London was a shock in a multitude of ways. Not only was my body unused to the temperature and artificiality, I got a few big pieces of news as well. Two rooms in our house are becoming empty as some of my housemates are getting a smaller place together. I do believe their assurances that there is no acrimony involved in their leaving, because they are all very dear to me and have significantly improved my experience of living in this city. I really hope the changes don’t impact the house dynamic or atmosphere too much, because our place is kind of special in my opinion.
The news did hit me hard, I won’t lie. I spent a good hour and a bit ambling around North London to clear my head on Sunday a week ago, wandering vaguely on a circular route that ended up being around five miles. I will definitely have to do that again, as the lack of a camera prevented me from capturing some really nice shots, from young rowers on the canal to boarded-up post-industrial gloom of trackside business premises long abandoned.
So, to get the house full again, I’ve had to make my room look as presentable as possible for a prospective female housemate, because gender balance tends to help with things. If anything, it’s made me think about how I can effectively store my meagre belongings once I move up a floor into one of the departing housemates’ rooms. It’s been pretty stressful on the whole, having viewings/housemate auditions pretty much every night, coordinating schedules and other admin at the same time as working full days. Oh, and racking my brain about another development I’m not sure what to do with.
I’ve been offered a job that would start much earlier than my current contract finishes. Apparently it’d be mine if I applied for it, and the colleagues would be enthusiastic to have me. All good and great but though it’s more money, I can’t help but think I would have wanted something more career-oriented as my next job. I don’t want to say too much about what this offer would be but somehow I feel this’d be an easy way out, perhaps too easy. I like the field (it’s vaguely academic) but as much as I’ve never thought about career advancement, the lack of immediately visible prospects from it bothers me.
And I know I should always be looking out for number one, but telling everyone I work with, fixed-term and temporary as my current contract is, that I’d be leaving for greener pastures fills me with dread. There would be no coming back, I don’t think.
February 9th, 2010 at 16:52
In my limited experience, you *know* whether you should take a job or not.
I dreaded taking the leap to my current job, but I knew I had to. Having to resign and tell your colleagues you’re going, it’s not fun, especially if you’re already settled into whatever you’re currently doing, but that’s “only” pain and fear. It passes.
I have only once ever seriously debated whether I should take a job, but that tells me that it was a bad idea, although the pay would’ve been better. Looking back on it now, I’m certain it would’ve been a bad move. In contrast to the good jobs, I was thinking about whether I could live with the decision, whereas with the good jobs it’s always been mostly the dread of letting go and moving on. Fear of the unknown is there to be conquered.
Go with the gut, until proven wrong.
February 9th, 2010 at 19:31
Funny enough, that’s how I reasoned it when I decided today to not go for it. The gut feeling just wasn’t right. In fact, I felt a noticeable tension there, and the fact that I was so conflicted not just about telling my colleagues but also about a lot of other things surrounding working there told me that ultimately, it wouldn’t be right. In a way I was wrestling with the same thoughts you describe, of being able to live with the decision.
I don’t think wanting to feel excitement both at finding and starting a job is too narcissistic. At the very least it shouldn’t feel like a hard decision to make.
Thanks a lot for your thoughtful comment.