It’s been a while, I know. Enough about that, though. It’s never been regular.
Despite the title above, my current state of fatigue is bringing out a number of feelings.
- Holy crap, working 3 different jobs takes it out of you. Not only are they only vaguely related to each other, they sometimes overlap slightly meaning working 2 full days’ work in one and then starting again the next morning. Fun and games, a lot of the time, but I’m starting to question the length I can keep it up. After all, I’m no longer 23.
- I moved house what is now a month ago. It’s lovely, but still feels like I’ve only just moved in because I’m never there, as per previous point. I come there to sleep and take a shower, throw on laundry and occasionally shovel something into my mouth. The other week I had my first day off in 20 days and spent it in IKEA. This past Tuesday I sat on the sofa and watched a lot of recorded junk on TV and entertained thoughts of careers, numb-brained. By early afternoon I was getting jittery because I wasn’t pushing on with physical work.
- Speaking of physical work, that’s pretty neat; by and large far more satisfying than previous (or current) office-based work. Sure, it can be a drag getting wet, sweaty and tired over the course of a brew day, but the feeling of having put real toil into work to produce a physical result down the line is genuinely cool.
- The combined tiredness of multiple and different jobs along with the physicality of some of them means I am absolutely aching for a holiday. I’ve looked at past holiday snaps, read through friends’ accounts of their recent and current trips and gazed longingly at various Google Street Views and This is Now feeds. Unfortunately, the money situation and the nature of the jobs I have means I can’t just book a last minute flight somewhere despite really feeling like I need to.
- I realized I am craving leisure activities far more than I have understood needing previously. Watching TV the other day felt novel. I’m going to a gig for the first time in months tonight. I haven’t actually managed to have people over for any kind of housewarming despite wanting to. Brewing at home has been on complete hold for over a month now. The only media I consume seem to be news and podcasts of varying intellectual merit during commutes.
- I do keep thinking about careers. Am I pursuing the right thing? Can it be a viable career? I don’t think (in fact I know!) that I want to stay in London for much longer. I need sunshine. So I need to progress in what I am currently doing or go for something different in the hopes of hitting a gold vein. Either way, I think I need some extra time or energy to put thought into action.
Time and energy. Elusive.