Londonward

It’s been a ride, the start of term. I’ve been all over the place, with work, with reading, with classes, with lectures… I was getting really stressed out, feeling that the difficulty and expectations had really been ramped up from last year until a friend of mine told me that no, it was still the same. I just didn’t allow myself to feel that last year. Truth be told, despite already being swamped with stuff, I’ve done more reading than in the first two weeks last October. I have to keep telling myself things are probably ok.

Certainly I need to do more independent reading than last year. For some reason, the LSE in all its wisdom has decided to allocate two Fellows (that’s non-academics, basically people researching their PhD, to all you non-LSE people) as the lecturers for my two core courses. While the other is pretty good, the other… isn’t. I hate to compare education to a market, but I’m really not getting my money’s worth at the moment from my own department.

But it’s not just about the reading. Applying myself to apply to the postgrad courses is a whole other hassle, requiring final decisions (course? college?), writing (letters of motivation/research aims, funding applications), as well as finding and pestering people to write me references. It’s all quite a bit of stuff to be had on a plate.

It’ll get better, I’m sure. There’s fun stuff planned for the near future, including a trip to Cambridge this weekend and to Paris (Eurostar, wow!). If I can just make the cash last long enough things will be just fine… I hope.

Had a meeting with my personal tutor today. He congratulated me on my results and said to strongly think about Masters’ programmes, specifically highlighting Oxford and Cambridge as having a possibility of funding for EU students applying, which really is the only way I could manage to afford one. It would be another year of hell but on the other hand it would be Oxbridge and it couldn’t possibly hurt job prospects, right?

The only problem is that I have, like, a week to decide if I want to apply this year. I had already thought that I’d try to get a job for a year or two and go for a master’s after getting some money and experience, but now he recommended going to it directly.

I also handed over the reins of our student society to a new generation of (mostly postgraduate) students. They seemed really keen on making it a good society, which will benefit everyone. In a way, I feel almost sad to have passed on the torch but I will hang out at the first meetings at least, and get them up to speed.

Now I just need to get up to speed on the reading.

Professor Chris Brown in the introductory lecture to his course: “I got a box of mints from the representatives of Merrill Lynch out there on the street, apparently recruiting ‘for positions in Europe’. Has no-one told them that those positions no longer exist?”

Oh, LSE humour. The same professor chose to give a “reverse pep-talk” to people thinking of attending his course. “It’s tough,” he said. “And if English is your second language, you will have a hard time. We engage with nuanced topics where the language matters. You have to be willing to challenge yourself and your opinions, because a statement without reasons backing it up is just ideology.”

Part of me was scared, part going “hell yeah!”

I’m completely and utterly not feeling like term is starting. Yes, I’ve chosen my courses. Yes, I see the stream of new students and yes, familiar faces are popping up left right and center.  Yes, I realised that this dark rainy evening is like many I’ve spent under the library’s fluorescent tubes. But the difference is that I’m not frustrated at myself or anxious about getting stuff done. It just hasn’t hit me yet that stuff needs to be done.