Onward!!

I may have found an advert for my dream job.

At least, that’s kind of what it feels like reading the description. I’ve been looking at it for a few days now, while furiously trying to piece together whether I am hopelessly underqualified for it, and in the hopes I am not, trying to get my CV to look the part.

Someone once said that in order to get a job you have to behave like you already got it. If feeling like seeing oneself totally fitting in it and the company culture is any indication, it should be a walk in the park.

But of course it won’t be.

At least I’ve got ambition, right? If I could couple that with stellar skills in writing applications, I’d be golden.

(I’m hesitant to mention any specifics in public, not least due to some sort of superstition)

Arriving back from African sunshine to a bright but breezy and cold London was a shock in a multitude of ways. Not only was my body unused to the temperature and artificiality, I got a few big pieces of news as well. Two rooms in our house are becoming empty as some of my housemates are getting a smaller place together. I do believe their assurances that there is no acrimony involved in their leaving, because they are all very dear to me and have significantly improved my experience of living in this city. I really hope the changes don’t impact the house dynamic or atmosphere too much, because our place is kind of special in my opinion.

The news did hit me hard, I won’t lie. I spent a good hour and a bit ambling around North London to clear my head on Sunday a week ago, wandering vaguely on a circular route that ended up being around five miles.  I will definitely have to do that again, as the lack of a camera prevented me from capturing some really nice shots, from young rowers on the canal to boarded-up post-industrial gloom of trackside business premises long abandoned.

So, to get the house full again, I’ve had to make my room look as presentable as possible for a prospective female housemate, because gender balance tends to help with things. If anything, it’s made me think about how I can effectively store my meagre belongings once I move up a floor into one of the departing housemates’ rooms. It’s been pretty stressful on the whole, having viewings/housemate auditions pretty much every night, coordinating schedules and other admin at the same time as working full days. Oh, and racking my brain about another development I’m not sure what to do with.

I’ve been offered a job that would start much earlier than my current contract finishes. Apparently it’d be mine if I applied for it, and the colleagues would be enthusiastic to have me. All good and great but though it’s more money, I can’t help but think I would have wanted something more career-oriented as my next job. I don’t want to say too much about what this offer would be but somehow I feel this’d be an easy way out, perhaps too easy. I like the field (it’s vaguely academic) but as much as I’ve never thought about career advancement, the lack of immediately visible prospects from it bothers me.

And I know I should always be looking out for number one, but telling everyone I work with, fixed-term and temporary as my current contract is, that I’d be leaving for greener pastures fills me with dread. There would be no coming back, I don’t think.

It’s Sunday, and I’m at work.

When I woke up the rain rattling against the window made me want to just wrap myself tighter and stay in bed.

By the time I was on my way out the rain had stopped, and once I got to King’s Cross the sky had cleared too. In the gray-white sunlight, I walked the last twenty minutes to work to try and avoid the noise and the soot and the empty but yet still claustrophobic tube carriages, passing few people because at that time on Sunday, London is mostly asleep or only gearing up to a day of Christmas shopping.

My friends are in Cambridge today, no doubt enjoying clearer sunshine wandering around the grounds of the University or the warm company in a relaxed pub. I’m not ashamed in admitting that I’m jealous. I’d like to see them very much. Instead, on a Sunday, I’m at work.

Over the past few days I’ve been forced to confront ways I work and think. There is the inevitable drama of office politics and the clash of managerial and lower-rank opinion, the requirement of progress in ways in which I go about my day-to-day business and thinking about the future that all play into the mix.

The office politics are quite frankly annoying. I understand that there will be inevitable polarisation in any work place, but being thrust into it and people I otherwise consider friends or at least friendly vying for my opinion on the matter makes it a tough kettle. I fully understand the need for change and better ways of working, but at the same time I sympathise with real consultation and participatory approaches that take into account the expectations of those whose practices are under review and the true situation on the ground.

In not entirely unrelated matters, I work as part of a large chain of people and responsibilities, with the way I work within my niche largely to be determined by me. I’ll be honest, I feel I’ve struggled in taking the initiative and effort to really change things. I’ve been commended in my reviews for what I’ve done so far and finding some statistics spreadsheets I’d knocked up my boss was all “ooh, I like these” but I’m not sure whether I should be doing more. It just feels pretty gargantuan, taking on work flows and things.

I’ve been tinkering away with my application to the Civil Service Fast Stream. Part of the application is a competency questionnaire where applicants have to rank themselves in response to specific statements about personal qualities. One of them is “I am the type of person who… is prepared to question accepted wisdom, assumptions, methods and processes to reach better solutions”. I’d like to be. I’d like to find and fix inefficiencies and irrationalities. I’d like to be on top of my day-to-day work so that I can see the bigger picture without much effort. But I’m not sure I am. How does one get to that point?

“Umm, I’ve got a book that’s on the essential reading list but it’s not available anywhere. I don’t think it’s been published yet.”

“OK let me check,” I say and search through for the title, finding it. True enough, no holdings as yet. But then there’s over 2 months of 2009 left, and the book is marked as being published this year.

I tell him this, instructing him to come back later.

“It’s a bit strange that they’d do that,” he complains in his drawl.

“It’s quite normal for professors to put forthcoming titles on reading lists. You have ages before the exams.”

“Yeah, but it’s essential reading. It’s the course book. I’m supposed to have read part of it in the first week.”

Sorry we can’t do anything about the space-time continuum, bub. The book simply doesn’t exist yet. And teaching for your course? A week away yet.